How to Positively Influence Your Husband

Is it possible for wives to change their husbands?

The answer to that is yes. And no.

Researcher John Gottman says that 60% of what characterizes a marriage will never change. That means you marry your spouse essentially “as is.” A person who’s perpetually late may never be on time. And a neat freak will likely never feel comfortable with dust and clutter.

Still, that leaves couples with 40% of their marriage that can be molded and shaped. To facilitate that transformation, author Gary Thomas encourages wives not to think in terms of “changing” their husbands, but “influencing” them.

What’s the difference? Motive.

If you try to force your husband’s approach to life into your mold, then your motive is likely rooted more in self-interest then what’s best for your relationship. On the other hand, if you encourage your husband to become all that God has called him to be in Christ – for his benefit and the benefit of your marriage – you’re on a path to success.

Gary Thomas joined me on Focus on the Family with Jim Daly to help you better understand a great approach for influencing your husband toward positive change. Gary even shares what he calls the “magic question” to ask your husband. His answer is key to helping him improve himself.


Tune in and find out on your local radio station, online, on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, via Google Podcasts, or listen on our free phone app.

Gary Thomas is a member of the teaching team at Second Baptist Church in Houston, Texas. Our conversation centered on his book Loving Him Well: Practical Advice on Influencing Your Husband. We’ll send you a copy when you become a special partner with us through our monthly “Friends of Focus on the Family” program. You’ll also receive member-exclusive benefits. To make your pledge, or for more information, click here or call 1-800-A-FAMILY (232-6459)

While you’re online, why not take a few moments to try our free marriage assessment online tool? It’ll help you quickly determine what’s working well in your relationship, and also identify areas where you may need some improvement.

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