Forgiveness is at the heart of the Christian message.
But that doesn’t make forgiveness easy.
Forgiveness is difficult because we often confuse “forgiving” with “excusing.” Forgiveness never excuses the wrongs against us or waters down the awful nature of an offense. It doesn’t pretend that something didn’t happen. Forgiveness acknowledges the ugliness of the sin, no matter how dark, then sets us free, not the other person. Forgiveness releases our heart, heals our pain, and allows us to move forward through life in peace.
Even after one sorts through common misconceptions about forgiveness, it can still be tough. Remember Jonah, God’s prophet? He wanted the Lord to decimate Ninevah for their sin, not to forgive them. He wanted justice his way, not God’s.
We’re all capable of acting like Jonah, which is why forgiveness starts by trusting God with our pain. After Joseph’s brothers sold him into slavery, he told them, “You meant evil against me, but God meant it for good” (Gen. 50:20). God uses our pain to teach us godly perspectives and to strengthen our faith. He may even position us for something greater in life. But even when there’s no obvious practical outworking, we can still trust God not to waste our pain.
God asks us to forgive, but He doesn’t ask us to do it alone. He walks with us through the process of letting go. We forgive to the degree that we’re able at the time. Then, as we move forward, our healing allows us to forgive a little more. This, in turn, leads to deeper healing and deeper forgiveness. And on it goes.
On Focus on the Family with Jim Daly “Forgiving the Past, Embracing the Future,” speaker and author Deborah Pegues tells how she inherited a legacy of bitterness. Her mom and dad argued until violence erupted. Deborah’s childhood was so chaotic that, even at a young age, she remembers thinking, “There’s got to be a better way to live than staying angry and bitter all the time.”
If you’ve been looking for a better way to live, please join me for my full conversation with Deborah on your local radio station, online, on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, via Google Podcasts, or on our free phone app. We’ll be discussing her book, Forgive, Let Go, and Live, which is available for a gift of any amount. For more information, click here.
If you’re struggling to forgive someone, we have caring Christian counselors on staff, and it would be their privilege to offer you a free consultation. Call us, leave your name and number and they’ll get back to you as soon as possible. The number during business hours is 1-800-A-FAMILY (232-6549).
